harvest found

it's been too long....

2010-08-16T11:54:00.003-04:00

so it's been years since i wrote anything here...but after reading some of the posts about abby and renee as little wee ones i remembered how fast time goes...some of the things i wrote i can't recall those little memories fade at my advanced age of 42..

so, i'm back - don't know if anyone will read because i'm sure like me they have stopped really reading blogs...they seemed such a part of my morning for those couple of years and now i forget all about them really...

so now abby is 7 1/2 yrs. going on 16 yrs. and renee is 5 1/2 yrs. going on 5 1/2... as i write they are running around outside in the backyard playing with friends. there are so many little friends for them in this neighbourhood - probably at least 8 little girls between 4 - 9 yrs.

summer is winding down - it's gone very fast this year - hard for me to believe that abby is going into grade 3 and renee into SK. i remember counting out the years when renee was 2 yrs. old - thinking "ok, so when abby is in grade 3 , renee will be in SK ....then i'll have at least two hours alone...." now it seems such a minor thing those two hours - but then it felt like a far away mecca....

deciding this week what to sign the girls up for - piano for sure for both of them, renee wants ballet - abby wants hip-hop but trying to steer her toward jazz - i tell her " it's the same as hip-hop but better..." she's smarter than that..she says " jazz isn't yo-yo, it's boring!"

abby's new word this month is "sick". which means awesome or good. she says it not with the teenage slacker bored voice - she says " SICK!!!!!!" like she's won a prize. so, swimming is sick, candy is sick, getting to go to a 3d movie is sick....between the "sick" and the skinny jeans she is growing up too fast. she's got a mind for fashion - she loves her skinny jeans, her high-tops and a nice peasant blouse. thank god she is modest by nature.
more later as i just heard a "ZIP IT" from downstairs - the banned term in our house in use by abby whenever she doesn't like what she hears....like i said 7 1/2 going on 16....

three hands making sugarplums...

2006-12-23T09:52:00.000-05:00

only two more sleeps!!! every night before bed abby says "tomorrow morning when i wake up there will be my little pony castle under the tree? right?".

renee really doesn't get it yet. she thinks it's still halloween. whenever we walk by a decorated house she points and yells "MOM HALLOWEEN!!!". cute, that one is cute all right.

this will be the first year ever that we have not gone to my parents for christmas eve( except for two thunder bay christmases when we were in school).
after many late, late christmas eves' -which were great in our earlier post-kid days -we'll be home and as my sister said "maybe we'll drink just a little too much wine" and watch it's a wonderful life and leisurely wrap the last few gifts. abby and renee are still small enough to not know that they could get us up at 3 am to open gifts.( thank god!) probably the last year for that.

today there are only a few more gifts to buy (two!) - thought we were done but there is always one or two left isn't there? i have to stop myself from buying any more stocking stuffers. they are going to be crazy huge stockings as it is!!

ok, speaking of sugarplums i'm off to get two little ones dressed. abby of course in a "fall dress with two pair of tights - i won't be cold i promise". no pants for that one. she has officially become a girl in the last few months. princess and dresses and lipstick.
as i wrote to kathleen the other day - this is my punishment for the years of my black mini-skirts and frost-bitten "no, i'm not cold" legs all those years and years.

off to find the tights brush the hair and find the boots.

it's a nice dress but....

2006-09-07T08:12:00.000-04:00

" oh mommy! that's a beautiful dress -but it doesn't cover her baby-food!"

abby said this about 20 times as we were looking at pics on people.com - cause not many of the stars worry about covering their baby-food these days. she cracks me up.

summer sisters

2006-08-23T12:54:00.000-04:00

are they not the cutest?

i promise not to have them hawking oscar meyer...they could though...they are that cute!

aversion therapy

2006-07-13T09:21:00.000-04:00

a few sips of this and i think i will no longer be a slave to the silver can.

like the 26-ers of peach snapps and orange juice kathleen and i drank in the 80's. it was years before i was able to drink orange juice without shuddering.

Happy Birthday Adrienne, Mom, Grandma...!!!

2006-07-11T09:44:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!

happy birthday mom.

all the best to you ( a little late but with all the love!).

last year on your 60th birthday i wanted to write you a birthday letter - i had thought of all the things i wanted to tell you - for the past year i have been thinking of how i didn't write you the birthday letter and how i didn't say all the things that i wanted to so...in the hereditary, genetic, better late than never way that we have here it is.

you are a nurturer. my lifelong cool hand on a hot forehead. aliments and troubles are brought to you by family, friends, and strangers. you kindly look, touch, advise and soothe.

you are grace under pressure. when hair is on fire, heads are cut, minds are troubled, and feelings are hurt --- you make it all ok.

you are smart. quietly smart. you excel without bravado. almost surprising people because how can someone so nice also be so smart.

you are political and believe in the good fight, the left and that people can change. you aren't afraid to speak up when you believe in something - chanting louder "take back the night" when we marched past the Hamilton Club and you saw suited rich men drinking scotch, watching us- they closed the windows after you passed. you know the words to old union songs. you listen to cbc. you read.

you watched the musical "hair" with your four kids on summer afternoon. you let us watch "hair" with all it's drug, free love, and anti-war sentiment but you wouldn't let us watch "nightmare on elm street" because it was violent.

you baked real cookies, muffins and bread. you cooked real food - city chicken, leek and potato soup, crock pot oatmeal, moussaka(even though you had to hear bratty "idontlikeit"'s), lasagna, stew and dumplings... you canned pickles, jam, beets, beans and onions at a time when it was not so vogue. your kitchen is always comfort.....

you are youthful, when you were 59 yrs. i heard someone say " 59? what do you use formoldehyde?", you and dad newly define grandparent - riding bikes and hiking the provinces. you are beautiful. eyes like ocean-blue cut marble and white shoulders. you never wore track pants in public, instead you wore skirts and matching beads.

you sewed for all the important things. communion dresses, easter and christmas outfits, graduation and prom dresses, wedding dresses, baby blankets, family quilts for all of us, coats, jackets, scarves, hats, raggedy anns...we wear your love.

you rarely said you 'should'....i never got why all my friends were so frustrated with their mothers..unlike them you weren't a "witch, warden, pain, doesn't understand, doesn't get it" kind of mom. not that you didn't have rules. my 11 pm curfew until age 18 kept me in childhood a lot longer than most.

likewise you are a popular mother-in-law. no monster-in-law has ever been said in your name.

you love to laugh - it's one of the first things i think about when i think about you. your whooo, whoo, whooo laugh that makes us all feel good.

you are a good grandma. trying to be something special to each grandchild. sewing till you are almost blind at christmas so that they sleep in new cosy christmas jammies. i watch you with my own daughters and at times i see how you must have been with me. tender.

but most of all to me you are my mom. who i love. who i want to be and who is still my make-everything-ok mantra even at 38 yrs. happy birthday mom. you deserve all the best.

love, jen, terry, abby and renee

Happy Birthday Bibby! ( and i mean that literally...)

2006-05-26T11:41:00.000-04:00

happy birthday siobbhan. we all wish you the very best today - and a little dose of luck in hopes that little jack is born today.
i can't believe that you are 34 today! what.? my little sister 34? the curly-haired quick to laugh little bibby is 34? ok, i'll retire the little bibby part. but there is no getting out of the little sister part.
you were the one who tried to make your older sisters and brothers laugh - you would perform again and again - arrid extra dry?

you were the baby in all our games and plays - our little gert to be carried up the stairs a la the sloans present the sound of music.

you were sosososo cuddly--your little arm around my back when you slept in my bed at 6.

you were the cute one - the one people would stop on the street because your curly hair and blue eyes and little nose couldn't be ignored.

you were the risk-taker - dying your hair, cutting it all off, reverse mohawk in grade school. but still somehow shy.

you are almond eyes, smooth clear irish skin, and yes, the hair again. coveted.

you were the wild,wild teenager. the mom still has no idea how wild teenager with the baby face. with wild, wild friends who also passed as normal.

you are a lover of music, a great smoky voice, harmonizing quietly. like your horn playing - great when really heard. not trying for the spotlight.

you are a proud mom. always a story about sadie and what she said or did or can do - as a result a girl that is confident in her choices " gelato is way better than soft-serve!".

as with sadie you are in love. with a lumberjack. after all these years a story about what he said or did or can do.

you are a earth mother at heart. at your center you are kind, caring, funny, and smart. i love you for that. but mostly i love you because you are still in my mind my little sister, your little hand in mine making me feel like i am good.

happy birthday siobbhan and all the best.

love, jen

happy birthday amy!!!

2006-05-11T13:57:00.000-04:00

happy birthday amy!
you, my sister, deserve only the best wishes.

i am smiling as i think of you and what i should write. where to start?
as far as i can remember back i think.

i swear i can almost remember the day you came home from the hospital. although only two i hazily remember you in a blanket in mom's arms coming up the back stairs where the grape vines grew.

amy at four willingly marrying marco at the request of rosanna and i in an elaborate play, italian lace tablecloth on your head, picked flowers in your hand and two bossy big-girl priests.

amy at five walking to holy family school with charlie and i - past the old man's house with the hornet's nest and mrs. robinson waving from her blue-house porch.

amy at st. margaret mary school reciting "me and my shadow by robert louis stevenson" in front of the whole school in late spring. seeing my sister as separate from myself for the first time and watching the people around me like you. feeling pride "that is MY sister up there."

amy at 7 with confidence from i don't know where. smart and funny. shades of what's to come.

amy and i in brownies - our jokes about the leaders afterwards that had us howling with laughter. i can't remember what the jokes were but something about tawney owl and her trying to dance around the toadstool?

amy also at 7 - your love of singing - especially catholic hymns - the may crowning, fresh flowers and your first communion.

amy at 8 - first summer in our new ashford ave. house. no friends yet. but one of the best summers of my young life. the four of us best friends- jennifer, charlie amy, siobbhan. swimming at scott park, our own "club", and the library - god, the library where we would take out 25 books at a time and cart them home in plastic bags to be read on our front porch with a bag of swedish berries.

amy at 10. the quieter one of us four. more thoughtful and watchful. and kind.

amy at 11 my paper-route co-conspirator. spending all our collection money on full course seafood meals at connaught fish and chips - canvas paper delivery bags at our feet. our shared terror at being thrown in jail for defrauding the hamilton spectator.

amy at 12. one of the smart kids at school. in the fashion show. a very big deal at st. columba. and then getting kicked out of the fashion show for jumping down the stairs with your uncorkable enthusiam. mr. debrizzi was such an ass.

amy at 14 - twirling rifles and flags with that same me and my shadow confidence. you were the one to watch on the floor.

amy at 16 in st. joseph's hospital after getting your appendix out. thin, fragile and so unlike your normal self it was scary. but of course, some humour. your story of how you were dreaming the pope was standing on your stomach torturing you before you woke up and were rushed to the hospital.

amy at 18 and in love with a rocker named jay. you and i at the same time finding the real thing.

amy at 25 and in labour. brave and strong.

amy at 26 - on your wedding day - beautiful, excited and happy.

amy for the last ten years. full of talent. a comedian. a writer. a public speaker. a good friend to many. a great mom to beautiful kids- sam, monty and lucy. an entrepreneur. a reader. a student. a writer. a singer. a dancer....a lover of life.

happy birthday amy.

love, jen

if it isn't on t.v.

2006-05-01T09:46:00.000-04:00

for days i have been thinking about the 4 canadian soldiers killed in afganistan. i have been really disturbed by harper's ban on the media covering the return of the soldiers - they have had to film through fence to get pictures and film of the caskets return to canadian soil.
like a lot of people i find it very disturbing that the government wants to somehow cover up or minimize the impact of their deaths. those images of the families receiving the caskets is really hard to watch but you realize that those soldiers were family members, sons, fathers and husbands. they are made real human beings like the rest of us and not just soldiers lost in battle.

what makes me really nervous is that harper appears to be following the lead of george bush who banned repatriation ceremonies in the states back in 2003 - right when they started to see an increasing number of caskets return home. in canada at least the media were able to film through fence - in the states the press can't even get near the military base so the soldiers return home without being reported to americans. their government says that the soldiers will be visible in their own towns and communities during funeral ceremonies back home. but we know that if it isn't on t.v. most people don't know it's happening. so if you aren't in one of those hometowns, you don't notice that young americans are dying in iraq in greater numbers every month. which is exactly how the bush government wants it.

i know we aren't american so why does it matter? my cynical side ( i know, i said i would try not to be cynical when i was in my lenten mood) - my cynical side make me wonder about harper's recent similar ban and his admiration of the u.s. and george bush and the continuing trouble in iraq and now iran. i am really hoping that harper isn't thinking about sending canadian troops to iraq or iran if called upon by the u.s.. it makes me wonder why the ban now? we aren't like the states where there are returning bodies every day. it's still a very big deal here when canadian soldiers die.

the conservative government says that they enacted this ban to respect families. i have heard several of these families on cbc and they are not respected by this. they are angry and hurt by the governments actions. one father even showed video footage during his son's funeral this weekend. http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/latestnews/index.php?id=6688

in the end i guess i will watch to see what happens. maybe i'm wrong. i hope.
i hope that the loss of canadian citizens who are also soldiers is always a big huge deal here in canada.

Cpl. Matthew Dinning
Lieut. William Turner
Cpl. Randy Payne
Bombardier Myles Mansell

happy earth day!

2006-04-22T08:41:00.000-04:00

happy earth day to:

abby who loves all things green and collects maple keys and pine needles like they were dropped money.

renee who loves to be at ground level grabbing handfuls of grass.

terry who reads thoreau, shows me the stars, wants to be a farmer, and says soil rather than dirt finding the latter to be an insult to something so alive.

adrienne and mike who taught me the joy of shopping at farmer's markets and supported the people who grow our food, that real cheese comes wrapped in brown paper and has endless variety, not sealed in plastic under white coolers, and for riding bikes at over 60.

kathleen for trying to live what she believes more than almost anyone i know - making her dream come true even if for a while - wear on earth. and for knowing so much about so much. unlike most of us who know a little about a lot.

to those whose religion is gardening - evelyn and brenda - coded notebooks, paper bags of seeds, pride of little green shoots so dependent on things not in their control.

amy and siobbhan whose passionate love of thrift stores is unrivaled, whose love of a great find supports the little old ladies raising money for the church and for the disabled.

and for all of us who know we should do more - who still drink tim horton's coffee from unrecyclable cups but know better.

and for everyone who loves a sunny day, a good apple, or a blue sky. walks instead of drives. eats less meat. collects rainwater and composts. wears sunscreen. takes books out of the library. watches the sky. notices the flowers. and worries about the melting icebergs.
happy earth day.

table number 12 rides the pony

2006-03-23T14:56:00.000-05:00

charlie with "the hot bun"

Table number 12....apres moany, moany...

terry and charlie waltz for the crowd

this morning roz and i were talking about nat and pete's wedding this fall. although we haven't been invited yet we talked about how we were already arranging babysitting for the kids.
it's march.
the not yet officially announced wedding is in late sept..
we don't get out much.

then we reminised about one particular classy evening about 15 years ago. nick and patty's wedding where we were seated at table number 12. our table drank many, many, many bottles of wine. we drank. a lot. even charlie drank. we thought we were the life o' the party. throughout the speeches we played amusing games like pass the hot potato. except it wasn't a potato. it was a bun. pass the hot bun with a steak knife from person to person. later we ceremoniously mounted the bun on our table number. like i said classy.
then billy idol and moany, moany came on and the classiness continued to the dance floor. god lord, the humanity. that song should be banned from public.

can i just say that at almost 40 and all of us armed with video and digital cameras, i for one will never jump up when moany, moany, ride the pony comes on. there will be no drunken "I LOVE THIS SONG". ( which is not true - i never, ever listen to billy idol or moany, moany outside of drunken wedding or stag and doe performances). i will not join the throngs of ladies who act out the lyrics and sing along, (while the guys watch from the sidelines) , you know the words...."everybody get.....".
yeah, that won't be me. i don't want to embarrass my daughters when i'm fifty. i have to start practicing now.

It has been 20 years since my last confession...

2006-03-03T08:29:00.001-05:00

ash wednesday yesterday - lent is here. it's been years since i thought about lent. years and years - about 20 years since i gave something up for lent. i was never very good at it. i always changed what i was giving up mid-stream. like most things in my life, i started off very enthusiastically ...slowing waning as the days went by. i will say though, i loved the whole easter season - the purple sashes decorating the church, the weekly walk to st. pat's from our school for mass, the songs, the candles, the smell of the church, the whole quiet, reflective mood of the four weeks before easter.

i miss the catholic church. i miss the mass especially. if it wasn't for my politics disagreeing with almost everything about the catholic church i would go now. i was a good catholic as a kid. i prayed with heart, felt awe for the priests, believed i was made better by confession and communion. loved the order, the group "peace be with you", and the coolness of the church -dark in midday.

most of all i loved all the little rules - the timed reponses, the confession before communion, the secret language that you only knew if you were catholic, the rituals like the waving of incense, reflecting at the pew, the "don't chew the communion because it's the body of christ", the priest wiping the goblet and drinking the wine, blessing yourself with the holy water...and easter was full of rituals - the black smudge not to be touched, the palms, the stations of the cross...i was so earnest. i think as a kid i understood more about contemplation and peace than i do now. that is the part that i miss the most.

there was no sarcasm, or wit-filled doubt in my belief. so it's not the mass i miss the most, it's that feeling of sincere belief in the good. i try to find this in my life, sometimes i feel worn out by all the cynicism and doubt about everything in the world. i participate in this sometimes like it is my religion. but now that i have kids i find it almost too much - i want to see the good, the happy, can-be-changed...maybe my new religion is this - to find and most of all - see the good. to stop the complaining, joking, finding the fault, hating george bush and stephen harper, seeing the disparity, the inequality... instead seeing the other side - not in a "chicken soup", there are angels in all of us kind of way - but see that life is good. most of the time - it's good and sometimes it's great. that the stars are out every night - shining - even if they are sometimes behind clouds. they are still there, and you can see them if you really try.

renee meadow at one...

2006-02-02T08:25:00.000-05:00

you are our happy baby. you smile, you laugh, you giggle all day long. you cry so rarely that when you do, we know you must be having big, big troubles.

you came to us on a warm february night - you made a quick entrance to the world. your daddy came in the door from his wed. afternoon hockey game at 6pm and i said "i think the baby is coming soon". a few hours later at st. joseph's hospital down the street you did. we were nervous about you coming - scared by abby's long labour and our struggles in her early days but you came so easy, we were laughing seconds after you were born - counting your fingers and toes and most of all holding you right away.

you are "scooter" - scooting around our place on one leg - you travel great distances on that one leg - from the livingroom all the way to the kitchen in 10 seconds flat. especially to follow your big sister, abby. for who you will scoot back and forth for hours just to be near her.

your smile is big. you put your whole self into that smile. your perfect eyebrows arched way up high. your round cheeks squishable. everything in our world is made ok when you smile.

you are the baby of many names : nay-nay, nayser, nas, nay, baba, and of course renee.

you are a little sister in every sense of the word. you baby-worship abby and want to be near her always. even when abby is a short-tempered 3 yr. old you still follow her around. your favourite time with abby is in the morning when abby crawls in your crib and snuggles you. you laugh and giggle more in that 10 min. than in the rest of the day.

you are a great dancer. you hear music and start to move your little arms up and down and spin your body. now you stand at the edge of the couch or chair and bounce up and down. we think you already have excellent rhythm.

you are an earnest speaker. when you talk you are all business. you say "a baba dada don dee" with a wrinkled brow - we just know you are giving a very serious opinion on the state of the world. we all listen and encourage your new words of wisdom. abby is the best at interpreting - she says "mommydaddy she just said " abby " or "dada" or "she likes me"....

you don't really love your sleep. you are still waking up many times throughout the night. but you do it politely which really really helps your mama. you don't wail or scream - it's a small cry and standing in the crib talking to your mommy and daddy at 3 am. although your mommy knows that you should probably be sleeping for much longer at this age, she also knows how fast you will grow up to not need her in the middle of the night so it's almost all right that sleep is fleeting for now.

you are a great snuggler. you love to have your little neck and cheeks kissed by your mommy and daddy. you giggle and laugh with little piggy noises. you are soft and so so so so huggable. you are carried often more for mommy and daddy's benefit - to feel your little soft body in our arms.

you are our baby and always will be - even though you are getting your walking legs and growing bigger everyday.

happy first birthday little nay-nay.love. mommy, daddy and abby.

son of the devil himself....

2006-01-10T07:36:00.000-05:00

watched the leader's debate last night ( most of it anyway) after about an hour and a half it all started to sound fuzzy.
can i just say one thing - why in the heck was stephen harper ( conservative party) smiling so much. i know that he has recently undergone an extreme makeover - the newly darkened hair, whiter teeth, wardrobe update etc. but his folks should tell him that the smiling constantly doesn't make him more likable. in fact, it was spooky. for instance - he was talking about taxes ( i know, boring ..) and how he will cut taxes blah, blah, blah...then the moderator steve paikin ( from tvo and hamiltonian!) said " what about the poorer canadians - how will tax cuts help them". stephen said with a creepy smile " poor canadians don't pay taxes". umm, is there some kind of get out of tax card free that i don't know about? when i was working and making peanuts it seems to me that there was always a little deduction from the gov...

in any case, it took everything in me to just watch the debate - that smile was so annoying... on gun violence he said with a grin " we need tougher penalties...not soft promises to fix the root of the problem". right, more jails, more prisoners, less jobs and opportunities for the thousands of poor people crammed into the toronto housing complexes with no jobs and seeing their friends make some cash doing crime. not that i think there are excuses for shooting people. but becoming american and filling jails will do jack.

speaking of jack. jack layton. he was great. answered the questions with real answers, not just
"we must do more" statements. i really liked how he gave numbers and actual dollar amounts for the programs he would implement. jack can do no wrong really. except that he might not want to say "there is a third option" so much. but other than that the ndp has a great guy - would love to see him as prime minister. won't happen i know. but would be great.

terry and i were actually really impressed with giles duceppe from the bloc. left-winger and smart. i loved how he gave examples of how martin and harper were on the same side during votes in parliment. "mr. arrrrper and mr. martinnnn you both voted on the same side so many many times it is unbelievable that you guys are not friends together". and loved how he said "mr. martinnnn you campaign like a ndp and rule like a conservative". smart guy. but as terry said though, " i have to hate him because he's a separtist". true. too bad he doesn't really care about the rest of canada. like how he kept saying "quebec and the provinces".

had to feel sorry for paul martin. cause he looks so sosososo old and beat up. and because he was constantly on the defense. oh, well, guess when you pay your friends lots of our money illegally it's hard.

one last thing. what was happening with harper's tie. like i said before, i know they are trying to make him more likable but geez - a plaid tie. where were his groucho marx glasses and cigar?

now, jack's tie. that was tasteful.

not so scrooge-ish

2006-01-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

after reading amy's post yesterday (http://anybodysguess1.blogspot.com/), i saw my own post as very, very scrooge-like. although we were sick we had some great moments throughout the holidays. here are a few:

one last pitch for the "fast car that jumps" by abby...

A FAMILY PHOTO!! for some reason this never happens - either one of the munchkins spots a more interesting toy or we just forget to do it - thank god terry had the patience to deal with me who kept saying "we're going to be late" and abby and renee who kept moving about....
ladies in the kitchen - sorry eileen but in all three you have your eyes closed - still very cute though...

handsome man with nay-nay ( terry, i know will say 'jeez' when he sees this)

cousins in jammies ( handmade by thimblegran herself - adrienne)

dad and girls opening gifts on christmas morning

this hat? no, i'm not hot, this matches my outfit all right?

the family men plus one honourary team member.

what's bred in the bone....

and to all a good night...

alive and kicking....finally

2006-01-04T11:24:00.000-05:00

it's a new year, christmas is over and to me it was all a blur. we were the sickest family ever over the holidays. you know the kind of sick where you say to yourself "please, take me now" and when it's over " oh, yeah, this is how i felt before the sick!".
terry, abby and renee are still sick after two weeks. little nay has croup. mean croup that wakes her and us up at 3 am with that horrid barking. she had it about two months ago and it freaked us out - it sounded like she was choking - abby never had the croup so we weren't familiar with it.
but i think it's winding down. she was scooting about and smiling this morning...little trooper that she is. i have been cursing early years. the origin of all this sickness i think. ah well, at least abby and nay will have really good immune systems. their parents may be on oxygen tanks if we get another virus but they'll be ready for the pandemic.

the worst thing about the whole holidays was that we really didn't holiday much. we missed dinners with family, we hardly celebrated abby's birthday and we didn't hike, toboggan, go to the library, movies or out for lunch as we planned - especially cause terry had 10 days off work... again, oh well. there is always next year.

off topic completely. like everyone else in the whole world i made a resolution to eat better in 2006. i was looking through my cookbooks yesterday for some healthy soup recipes and came across this cookbook i bought as a joke at the amity. the "after work cookbook - better homes and gardens". it's dated 1974. i was half-amused and half-digusted with some of the recipes.

here are a few:
"Ham Grab Bags" - includes sweet potatoes, ham steaks, one can of apple pie mix, brown sugar, and a can of cranberry sauce. umm.
or
"Frank-Kraut Dinner" - includes 1 can of condensed cheddar cheese soup, 1 can sauerkraut, 1 pound of franks, and mustard.
and
"Jiffy Barbeque Boats" - includes onion, celery ( oh some veggies , must be a hippie recipe), 1/2 cup marg, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1 12-ounce can of luncheon meat cut into strips ( spam?) and 6 hotdogs buns.

the meat in this book is crazy. one is the "liver sausage special". yes, liver and sausage on a bun with marg and melted swiss process cheese. mmmmmm might try that one tonight.

anyone who wants to borrow this - you are more than welcome. i don't think i'll need it. oh, except for the liver sausage special recipe. that sounds too good to pass up on.

and now you are three....

2005-12-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

once upon a time there was a little girl who went to bed two and woke up three.
she had practiced for weeks showing three fingers instead of two - she knew she was now one more than before.
her parents - who loved her so much they could hardly remember the time before her - told her stories all day long about what she did when she was two.

how she loved to dance - she heard music and would get up and start spinning, jumping and twirling - her face telling a story along with her little arms and legs...she wanted to be a ballerina like she saw on t.v. and tried to dance up high on her toes...she loved it best when her mommy and daddy and baby sister would dance with her - circle of held arms spinning until dizzy....

how she loved the beach - fearless and wanting to jump right into the waves, sand castles and buried feet. rolling her whole body in the hot sand after coming out of the water.

how she loved the park - her almost french "can i go to the park a wee-wee-wee". now able to climb the stairs to the big slide, run along the bridges and crawl through the tunnels. not needing the big arms to guide as much.

how she loved her baby sister nay-nay. how she held her sister, only weeks old, and said "i got you baby". how she loved to make her laugh and would perform endlessly for the giggling approval. how she woke nay-nay up for months with a "morning time nay-nay". how she hugs her everyday....

how she loves her hockey - daddy and me. loves the standing and singing of o canada, not knowing the words but trying " oh canda, stand up for me...", plates of "hockey snacks", copying daddy's ahs and ohs and "shoooot". her practice skating around the livingroom, her toronto maple leaf jersey worn over flannel p.j.'s.

how she loves to paint and do "crabs" (crafts). her mixing of colours and big confident strokes - putting of paper what she wants not what she thinks should be there. her pride at artwork hung on the fridge door or given as gifts.

her love of snuggling her parents - climbing on laps, hugs, kisses and tickling. up on shoulders, in arms, being "a baby", piggy-backs, and horsey rides, bedtime rocking, and "can i please sleep in mommydaddy's bed - i be patient and i not wake up nay-nay, i pomise".

her love of trying it all, of seeing someone do something and believing she can do it too.

her love of cousins big and small. names recited in list:sammymontylucyteaganquintonsadiemaddiedevonchelsea....

her love of bamma(grandma) and papa's sloan, walker and roswell...her stories of time spent with them that sound like exotic holidays - tomatoes picked fresh and eaten in sun, assisting with sewing jobs, baths in outdoor tubs, visits to market and library, and of course chocolate eaten....

her love of trains - tilted head and excited breath "i hear the train whistle"...

her love of turning three. of getting bigger. of understanding more. of being able to walk instead of being in the stroller. of being able to give advice to someone younger. of being able to help mommy and daddy with cooking and fixing things. of being able to push elevator buttons. of being able to make friends.....

when she was two - having parents who love her with more than their hearts can hold.
being the centre of the universe for this short, short time.
abby. the little girl who went to bed two and woke up three.

the belgium

2005-12-14T17:36:00.000-05:00

it's true. the belgium is my claim to fame. for years people have brought me their stories of belgiums they have encountered. they say " i was at this shower and these people were going on and on about so and so's belgium - i tried it - it sucked" or "yeah, she made these really big, dry belgiums" or
"hard icing"
"puffy cookie"
"no cherry".....

i have heard friends and family defend my belgium to the point where i actually feel bad for the other belgium maker. they will say "oh, jen makes the bessssstttttt belgium". and to people who have yet to try the belgium they will bring them a single cookie on a napkin and say "try this!" and stand there for the reaction. i have actually thought that i could make a living making belgiums - but forget it - too much labour. it takes hours to make the belgium - when you consider that i slice tiny little slivers of maraschino cherry to top each cookie - well, it's insane. i would have to charge 40 bucks a dozen. i'm too nice to charge 40 bucks a dozen.

i will say that it is rare to find someone who makes belgiums. and people really do love them. so if you do make them this year be prepared for major kudos.
so here is my recipe.
i have it written in my grandmother's old joy of cooking cookbook from the 50's. it was originally taken from my mom's "Ward 39" cookbook ( the nurses who worked in psychiatry put it together back in the early 80's ).
there is no recipe for the icing. i kinda wing it : mix room temp. butter and icing sugar until it looks white - until the butter colour is gone. the icing must also be stiff - because if it's soft it will melt - oh, add a touch of cream to the icing too. like 2 tbsp..

Belgium Cookies
1 cup butter
3/4 white sugar
1 egg
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. vanilla

Cream butter and sugar. Add egg and vanilla. Beat until fluffy. Add dry ingredients a little at a time. Mix well.
Roll thinly. Cut into circles with cookie cutter or shot glass. Shot glass is perfect size. Bake for 10 min. at 350.
Cool cookies. Spread seedless jam of choice ( strawberry, raspberry etc) on cookie - top with another cookie. Spread with thin layer of icing. Let set for about 2 hours before putting into containers. I actually freeze them in a single layer until ready to use. have found icing and jam take long time to set without freezing.
That's it.
Merry Christmas and happy baking to all.

like mine - but i do not put that really large cherry - just a tiny sliver - cause i think most of us would find swallowing that big hunk of maraschino cherry hard work. also no green leaf icing. just the sliver of maraschino.

why i remember john lennon

2005-12-08T10:02:00.000-05:00

because he wrote this:

Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try.
No hell below us, above us only sky.
Imagine all the people, living for today.

Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do.
Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.
Imagine all the people, living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.

Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can.
No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man.
Imagine all the people, sharing all the world.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one.

watching daddy shave

2005-12-02T07:24:00.000-05:00

abby woke up early this morning. terry brought her into our bed when he got up for work at 6 am. her 'sleep' with mommy and renee lasted about 10 minutes of tossing, turning, touching my eyes, sighing, pulling blankets over her head, throwing pillows on the floor, and finally whispering to me "mommy, i not tired anymore".
she got out of bed and went next door to the bathroom where terry was shaving. i listened to her talk from the bed...

"daddy, you shaving?"
laughing "daddy, you have soap on your EAR"
"daddy, i getting bigger - look at my legs they are bigger now - my nose is bigger - my eyes...daddy! - my eyes are bigger! ......"
"DADDY YOU ARE GETTING WATER ON THE FLOOR!!!"
"oh, you r-in-se your face? - oh, okay"
"daddy, i bigger - i bigger now - my nose is BIGGER"
"daddy, you have to go to work? daddy, you not stay home and play with me?"
"oh, ok daddy - you stay home tomorrow - no work!"
"daddy, you pretend santa claus - i little girl"
"santa claus, santa claus, there is snow today - you can come on your sled"
"no, daddy, you 'tend santa, i little girl"
"santa claus?"
"santa, can you bring daddy a teddy bear?"

i could listen all day. but being almost three - she is off to get her "funny puzzle pieces to show daddy". i remember watching my dad shave. i remember when my dad was "daddy". when i followed him around in daddy worship. when what he said to me was the gospel. when to me he seemed 10 feet tall. when up on his shoulders i could see the whole world. when i would pretend to be asleep after a winter car ride because he would pick me up and carry me into the house.
watching daddy shave. hard for me to believe that i now have the little girl....like i said i still remember being her. i have a scar to prove i was there. a tiny little line on the left of my bottom lip where i cut myself "being daddy".

Abby and Renee Waiting for Santa

2005-11-24T10:33:00.000-05:00

somehow this picture didn't make it into my entry below about the santa claus parade. it's just too cute to leave out. i love how renee is looking at abby here.

Santa Claus Parade

2005-11-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

on sunday we went to toronto for the santa claus parade. what a parade. tons and tons of people. i mean tons. we were there an hour early and did not get a piece of the curb to sit on. we were lucky to find two newspaper boxes side by side to sit abby and renee on. great seats afterall.

abby loved it. terry loved it. i loved that they loved it. unfortunately, i had a bad, bad cold and sneezed at least 400 times in the two hours we were there. i was really, really, really happy to see santa. seriously, it was a great parade. excellent floats, tons of clowns, bands and good cheer. it was a great way to kick off the christmas season. here are some of the pics that we took.

abby and terry watching thomas the train go by. great floats. none of that commercialism i've seen in so many parades in the past few years. you know when there are "floats" that consist of a transport truck with a huge ad on the side and a few pieces of garland. none of that here.

this guy followed the hundreds of postal worker clowns who handed out candy. at first people smiled at this guy, you could see their smiles fade as he continued to do his wwf poses down the street - complete with jailhouse tattoos. not very merry.

and finally, he arrives. abby's first year of getting what santa is all about. she waved and waved along with all the other kids. renee slept in terry's arms waking up after it was all over. maybe next year for her.

abby and mommy walking down the street after the parade. mommy in the spirit with her cold-induced rudolph nose. abby "i tired".

there really is no place like home. although it was great to see the parade - we all were so happy to see home. terry and the girls celebrate with a snuggle.

john and teagan in cymbal

2005-11-19T16:02:00.000-05:00

John & Teagan Rock & Roll Cymbol
Originally uploaded by meadowharvest.

terry took this picture of john and teagan a few months ago while they were jamming in the basement. when i look at this i cannot believe that teagan looks almost as tall as his dad. to me teagan is still the little 4 yr. old toasting his apple juice "to the open road uncle terry". now he is a world-wise 13 - saying to us on our last visit that he was going to become a lawyer and make 6 figures. while world-wise he is also a sweet 13, with time for his little 2 1/2 yr. cousin. abby calls teagan a "bigggggg boy".

i love his 13-ness, his belief that he will be whatever he wants. his casual "yeah, i score a couple of goals in every hockey game i play". and of course, his shaggy hair that somehow only looks right on a 13 year old boy. he is a good kid. one of the really good kids.

Flickr

2005-11-19T15:57:00.000-05:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

it's beginning to look a lot like......

2005-11-18T10:10:00.000-05:00

"mommy i just saw santa's shoe under the couch"

abby has the eyes of one who believes. she has 'seen' santa in our livingroom countless times in the last week and a half. she has told me to tell santa that "i want that" - referring to any toy she sees on t.v. or in the store. when terry comes home from work she takes him on a tour of "her" christmas tree lights and any decoration that we have put up during the day. and every night this week she has asked me to sing jingle bells in lieu of her usual 'hush little baby' before she falls asleep.

a couple of days ago in the mail we received a brown paper donation bag for the foodbank. i told abby that we will fill it with cans of food for kids who don't have enough to eat. yesterday she brought the bag to me and said "mommy, this is for the kids"; inside was: a package of vacuum bags, a half-filled container of vaseline, a sippy cup, and a few pieces of lego. now these gifts are under our tree as "peasants". cute kid alright. cute and stealing my heart everyday.

the lights, the tree, the shopping, the parades, the christmas t.v. specials, the candles, the letters to santa, the music, the handmade decorations....all made more than before by abby at just under three.

Queen Avocado and the Chatting Cousins

2005-11-16T08:18:00.000-05:00

Aren't you dying to know what they are talking about?

settled

2005-11-14T07:32:00.000-05:00

almost two months later we are settled in our new place in cambridge. a great, big old victorian main floor with fireplace, huge windows, pocket doors and hardwood. we love it. which is saying a lot when you consider that we have lived in too many places to count this year and none of them were that lovable.

this is a great neighbourhood. a going out for a walk neighbourhood, a ten-minute hoof to the downtown core neighbourhood, wide streets and lamposts instead of 30 foot street lights neighbourhood. if you squint when you are looking at the houses around us you can almost believe it is 1900.

don't quote me - but i could live here for years.

glad to be online after almost 6 weeks of no access. weird, that for most of my life i was not online - i have missed being able to connect with my family and friends while in p.j.'s .
love being able to catch up on all the blogs - amy, tracy, tanya, kennis...it's been almost like having a new novel to read.

short post - new place still not completly kidified. though can i say that i love having no stairs - especially now that renee is CRAWLING! really crawling now after weeks of the wounded soldier ( you know, pulling her 16 pounds with her arms and dragging herself along the ground). how did this little monkey become 9.5 months in what seems like 2 days?
abby is loving her new mobile sister. she likes to "race" her down the hallway and coax her into under the table forts. i had no idea that they would be so important to each other at this age. but they are. renee has a special laugh that only abby can get out of her. and abby likes to greet renee every morning in her crib with a "it's morning time nay-nay, uppy puppy". like i said i had no idea. but then again - my own brother charlie and sisters amy and siobbhan are always in my heart and mind like no others. no forts in almost middle age - but if you see us together in a crowd and if you squint it's almost like 1976... four kids in a circle laughing at something that no one else finds funny.

We were...

2005-09-19T12:36:00.000-04:00

Terry Fox Run 2005
We were a tired, under the weather, "saucy" group on Sunday morning. We weren't the ones running through the course. We were the ones with kids in tow who stopped to climb trees and play in fountains. Some of us stopped for water, doughnuts and shade. We were the ones who really didn't feel like being there - 'cause of late nights and autumn colds. But in the end we did it. We walked on a beautiful morning, through a beautiful park. We saw the silhoutte of Terry Fox standing under the trees ( Grant Darby-body double for the Terry Fox movie). We all said how glad we were that we came. We were part of a bigger thing - part of the thousands who came out on Sunday morning throughout Canada to raise money in Terry's memory. We were Michael, Adrienne, Nancy, Ian, Tracy, Siobbhan, Jason, Sadie, Sam, Terry, Jennifer, Abby and Renee.

photos by terry

Terry Fox Run - Update

2005-09-14T08:36:00.000-04:00

hi guys,
just a reminder that the terry fox run is this sunday, sept. 18th. from 9 - 1 pm. The big start is at 9 am - apparently, you can start at any time throughout the 4 hours. so if 9 am is too early you can start at 10, 11 ....
the registration and start area is beside the large flagpole. the flagpole can be seen if you park in the area behind the lawn bowling greens - beside the baseball diamonds. as most of you ( hamiltonians anyway) know - there are picnic tables all around this area. i thought maybe we could set up a table early ( 9 am) so that we have one in case it gets busy. maybe if someone does the run/walk early they can hang out at the tables. i think we will try and be there for 9 am...so if we are there first we'll grab it.
is there anything i forgot?
you don't need to have a pledge sheet filled out - you can register at gage park before you run/walk.
you can walk/run/bike the course.
kids are welcome in strollers, bikes, walking, running....
i think that is it...if you have any questions you can post them in comments below or email us at
jenandterry@sympatico.ca
hope to see you there!
oh, one more thing. we are registered online as a group "pitterpatters" if u want to make an online donation or you are collecting donations/pledges - at https://www.terryfoxrun.org/english/Corporate/find%20a%20team/default.asp?s=1

we are listed under family team. pitter patters.
jen

I'm it...

2005-09-13T16:45:00.000-04:00

amy has tagged me with this so here goes...

10 years ago, i enthusiastically started the nursing program at mohawk college. 6 months later i unenthusiastically dropped out depressed with indecision.

5 years ago, i was living in toronto, working with clients i liked in a job i loved. terry and i rented a $1500.00 a month apartment just outside the annex, ate out every night and drank bottles and bottles and bottles of wine at our little green kitchen table under candlelight. this was a year of waves of highs and lows, tears and laughs, doubt and finally calm resolution.

yesterday, i was alone with abby and renee. three gals in port dover. terry on the west coast leaving good morning messages that i played for abby when we woke up. we had visitors - my friend michelle - her son hunter, 6 days younger than abby, and lily 6 months older than renee. it was a long visit. abby cranky from no nap, stole hunter's ice cream cone after finishing her own - all hell broke loose and she cried, hid under the dining room table and yelled "mommy, you stop it!" as if i stole the cone. it's hard to be two. so glad it was michelle who was visiting, she just gets it, you know. there were no tisk-tisks from her. she is a mom who has been there.
after the visit abby, good as gold, read silly sally to her sister, renee. we watched treehouse t.v. and i let abby stay up till 8:30pm. when i put her to bed she kissed me on the eyelids and said "love you mommy". all was forgiven. renee and i then rocked in the rocking chair and watched cnn till 9.
alone for the first time i watched law and order - criminal intent- don't remember what it was really about - really just watch for the my bodyguard guy whose name i always forget. 10 pm in bed.

5 snacks i enjoy :- sugar ( usually in some chewy candy form), baba ganoush(?) with crusty bread, salt with popcorn, shrimp, my sister amy's artichoke dip, my mom's scottish oat cakes.

5 songs i know all the lyrics to: the catalogue of neil young ( most of it anyway - but really really know albums - harvest, greendale, after the gold rush...), beatles white album, well it's forty below and i'm off to the rodeo..., stand tall - burton cummings, susanne - leonard cohen, not only do i know the lyrics to m.j.'s thriller i can recite along with m.j., the gal, and vincent price throughout the thriller video (kathleen and i would practice this for hours- she had m.j.'s "stop it" giggle down pat - we were this close to getting a spot on Solid Gold)

5 things i would do with a million dollars: buy a house in the woods ( hey, aim maybe we can live next to each other since we want the same house), put beautiful oak bookcases that line the hallways of this house with any books i want, buy terry a cello, give some money to my family, terry's family and my friend kathleen, buy myself a one time spot on the young and the restless ( i just want one dance in the collenade room with victor).

5 places i would run away to: harrlem, holland - the most beautiful city i have ever been in - where even the sewers were 300 years old and made of beautiful copper, paris - only had 2 days and felt like i missed so much, thunder bay - weird i know, but for me one of my happiest two years, indonesia ( before the tsumami), and alaska.

5 things i would never wear: tight spandex, stilettos, pink lipstick, a perm, and anything red - never - except my hair of course.

5 shows i love: god, now my love of reality t.v. will be out in the open - ok, survivor, the amazing race, cnn (news junkie), law and order - any of them but love criminal intent ( see above), brady bunch reruns ( love, love, love these).

5 bad habits : snacking incessantly ( what, that bag of tortillas is gone?oops), paying bills late even when i'm flush, not answering the phone, forgetting to put sunscreen on, interrupting people during conversation.

5 biggest joys: abby, renee, terry, my family, and right now - seeing the lake everyday when i come down the hill to cross the bridge- gives me joy each and every time i see it.

5 fav toys: computer, the big green physioball, the chariot stroller....ummmm, not a real toy person....

ok, that is the extent of it. jeez, that looks long. okay, i add a bad habit - i write too many words.
ok, so i guess i tag, kennis and tanya if you are into it. if not that is a- ok with me. one of my good habits...being a-ok ...

the roof over my head

2005-09-01T08:11:00.000-04:00

today i am happy to have a roof over my head, clean water to drink and diapers for my baby.
today i am happy that i know that all my family is safe and going about their regular, normal lives.
today i am happy that i live where winds and water never create chaos.

like everyone i'm sure, i can't believe the pictures i am seeing from louisiana. it's unbelievable what these people are going through. the images on t.v. look like they are from some third world country.
one i can't get out of my mind is of this young woman holding her two babies who were maybe 6 months and 1 1/2 years. she said that she had no diapers and no clean water to clean them. not to mention that they had no water or food, and had trudged through waist-high water to a shelter with no supplies. a simple thing to have a clean diaper but as any parent knows....
it hits home for me who can walk into the bathroom, grab a new diaper from a big pack, run the tap for hot water and soap, give my kids a choice of many things to eat from a full fridge and close the door from wind and rain.

i hope for them that things get better soon; although, it doesn't really look like it will. they are saying months or years before they can be back in their communities with normal lives. i look around and am so thankful for what i have today. forget about what i want. what i already have is all i need. again i am reminded that health, family, love and a roof over my head is enough.

Yummy Mummy

2005-08-25T09:01:00.000-04:00

Apparently, well, according to chatalaine magazine, this is what all mom's should be wearing this fall - "there's no reason why you can't look great while you're running errands or dropping your kids off to school". ummm. dropping your kids off to school carrying a big white teddy bear and a jaunty smile is just not fair to the other parents who will be wearing the "sweats and sneakers " that "you should give a rest". you may be pelted with tim horton cups and have to run for cover. make sure you don't drop that big white teddy bear. cause every yummy mummy knows that the big white teddy bear is invaluable for entertaining the little ones - so much more than the giant diaper bag filled with snacks and toys ( distractions). guess it would work as a great big shield "don't touch mommy's 500 dollar jacket sweetie".

i know, i know this is a fashion spread...but it's not in vogue magazine it's in chatalaine. the outfit (over 1000 bucks) speaks to no one i know. even though i love to chat about hair, clothes, and shoes i'm about done with the whole yummy mummy makeover thing. guess the twenty-something child-free gals ain't buying enough these days. i like my sweats. no, i love my sweats. i love my birks, my cotton undies and my ponytail.

go on and drum up the business with those gals with time, money and no sticky hugs to give. they'll be game. i always was. buying 6 different black pants and knowing why they differed and therefore were justified. i remember. i've still got them hanging in my closet. behind the sweats.

i could've sworn i had one left!

2005-08-10T13:12:00.000-04:00

at this moment i would give my life for a diet coke.
i just spent the last 10 min. scrounging around in my fridge for the silver can of the gods. lots of old cottage cheese, lettuce and 10 dozen ears of corn but no diet coke.
if i want to go and get one i have to load the two kids into the double stroller and walk down the hill, over the bridge and up main street to the giant tiger.
i need an intervention. cause frankly, i am looking at the recycling bin and the heap o' cans thinking i might have left a drop or two when the fridge was full and the supply seemed endless.
diet coke. the politically correct crack cocaine for mom's.

Terry Fox Run Update

2005-07-28T09:09:00.000-04:00

We have 16-18 people who are interested in doing the Terry Fox Run on Sept. 18th/2005. Because most of the peeps interested are in Hamilton that is where we will do the run. I think the best location ( especially for the kidlets) is Gage Park. This could also be the place where we have our picnic afterwards - any thoughts on this? I guess it will also depend on the weather...

Some people have asked whether they need to gather a list of sponsors - this is up to you. I talked to someone at the Terry Fox Foundation and they said that some people will make a donation themselves in lieu of collecting names and pledges. This might be a better option for people ( like me) who are at home and not at a workplace where you can collect names and/or for those who don't like doing the door to door thing.
On the website ( www.terryfoxrun.org ) they say that if you are not collecting pledges you can simply fill out a registration form when you get to the run. If you would like to collect pledges you can download the form from www.terryfoxrun.org - at the right side of the page you will see "download 2005 pledge form".
Also - you do not have to complete the whole 10 K - you can walk, run, stroll, wheel 1, 2, 5, or 10 k.
One last thing - Adrienne's suggestion for a name "pitter patters" is the winning entry! funny mom! ]
so as the saying goes "let's get at 'er"!
Ok, so that is my update. any suggestions about the picnic afterwards would be very welcome.
take care, jen

My booty is wired for sound!

2005-07-28T08:38:00.000-04:00

i have been sewing recently. actually sewing and not just buying fabric and patterns and planning to sew. so in the past month i have made a few skirts for myself, shorts for the kids and some seat cushions. i bought all the fabric at len's mills store. i kinda liken len's to a garage sale-flea market-antique store-warehouse kinda place. there are great finds for little money. this is why i love to buy fabric there - because i can make a skirt for say, $1.25.

last month i got some real steals. i bought this great black summer meshy type fabric perfect for a skirt-tank top combo. it's stretchy, has little tiny holes - great for humidex days.
so i made a simple black skirt that of course i have been wearing almost everyday. the skirt that i consider my going to see people- going to a bbq skirt for the summer.
i only made the skirt because i was pressed for time on july 1st - needed the skirt for the holiday - so no tank top. yesterday i pulled the fabric out to make the matching tank top. as i was laying it out i saw a small stapled tag attached at the very edge. it said "speaker cover".

right. those little air vent holes make complete sense now.
i guess that is why it was 99 cents a metre.
look out for my children swinging and singing in trees wearing curtains for clothes. doe a deer a female deer...

starry starry night

2005-07-20T08:15:00.000-04:00

don't tell me that van gogh's starry starry night was painted with such brilliant colours because he suffered from some kind of toxicity. it takes away the awe. it takes away the feeling that i see behind those big brush strokes.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2005-07-14T16:28:00.000-04:00

abby and renee are both having a nap at the same time. this has never, ever happened. it is so quiet in here - i'm afraid to make any small noise in case i disturb them. i seriously did not know what to do at first. well, that's kinda not true. at first i was going to start doing dishes and cleaning up - had to stop myself and say "both asleep at the same time - do something you want to do". so here i am. and of course, all i can talk about it how there are both asleep. if you have more than one child you know how exciting this is to me. god, it could be a trend. or it could just be the 120 degree weather...
ok, so i have more to say than this. have a poem that i've been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of days.

you asked me to look up and see the stars, see the vastness of it all, pointing out constellations with my hand in yours.
you asked me to look down and see the small. see fossils in beach stone, a handful of soil alive.
you picked stalks of sweetgrass from the side of the road and chewed it while we walked.
to me you thought exotic.

is there a doctor in the house?

2005-07-13T10:16:00.000-04:00

i just got off the phone with a g.p. here in port dover. i called because we are now too far away to go to our family doctor in hamilton. i do not want to give up this doctor in hamilton because he is excellent, he delivered abby and renee, and he is just a all-around nice guy.
so i called this new doc because there was an ad in the local newspaper that he was accepting patients. the receptionist said that she would take my info. and then get back to me tomorrow to let me know if we can come and see him for an interview. so she asked the usual "do you take any meds?", "any major health problems?". then she asks "have you ever been depressed or had anxiety?". "umm, why?", i asked. "because this doctor does not treat these illnesses."

right. thanks but no thanks. what if i get depressed or one of us has anxiety. weird. talk about prejudice. see, this is why it's so hard to give up the hamilton doc. my mom said that people in the practice where she works sometimes come from 5 or 6 hours away for an appt.. when they move to a new area they keep the same doc because it's almost impossible to get a new family doc. most people have to go to walk-in clinics or visit the emerg if they get sick and don't have a family doc. i hate this. it makes me so mad. not that i rant about taxes ( ever) but this is one case where i wonder why the hell we pay half of our paycheques to the government but can't even see a doc who knows us and knows what they are doing. i am oh-so- liberal and believe in government sponsored healthcare, childcare, education - basically everything so it's not a rant like the conservatives like to rant. frankly, i think it would be way worse if we had to pay fees - rich get great docs , the rest of us still visit the walk-in clinics.
yeah, walk- in clinics. funny story - sort of- about walk-in clinics. a few years about 5 or 6 of my family members got this wicked virus and were pretty sick. one by one we went to the closet walk-in clinic. we all saw the same doc. afterwards we were all talking about how weird it was that we all had been prescribed the exact same medication. when we got to talking about the doc we found out that she had said the exact same thing to all of us about our illnesses.
" it sounds like you are on the verge of developing bronchitis - i can hear the little rattle in your chest". verbatim. the exact same phrase. i know - we all had the same virus but ALL of us were on the verge of developing bronchitis? half of us took the meds, half didn't. we were all fine.
the next year i got another cold. same doc. and yes, exact same phrase. i never went back there again. walk-in clinics- bad, bad, bad.
very hard to leave my doc for these cowboy clinics shooting out scripts. maybe we'll make the trip.
jen

What are you doing on Sept. 18th?

2005-07-11T08:47:00.000-04:00

this year the terry fox run is on sept. 18th. everytime i see old footage i am always moved by his strength, courage, and heart. i love that this one young guy just decided that he would run across canada and raise money for cancer - he became a hero to all of us quietly and slowly - without the corporate sponsorship and media hype that would happen if he did it now.
i have always admired terry fox and have said every year that i would like to do the terry fox run. so this year terry and i will be doing the run.
we'd like to ask other people to join us. we can either all try to run together at the same location or run in our own towns or cities. i will add the link to the terry fox foundation below so you can check out where there is a run closest to you.
now, believe me i know that running 10 k seems like a lot to some people. myself, i haven't ran in about 3 years so it's going to be tough. but we have over two months before the actual run and you don't have to run if you don't want to. if you check out there website you will see that a lot of people walk, bike or rollerblade through the route. i thought that biking would be great especially for those with kids who want to join in. biking the 10 k should be easy for their young, healthy legs!
also, you can run or walk with strollers for those with really young ones.
so here is the website http://www.terryfoxrun.org
check it out and see if it something you would be interested in doing. i think that especially in this time of crazyiness and chaos in the world it would be nice for all of us to be a part of something that is about community and caring.
take care,
jen

*******UPDATE: i have heard from a number of people who are interested in doing the run. i think i am going to register a group on the terry fox run website - any name suggestions?
jen

the things i didn't know part two

2005-06-24T08:06:00.001-04:00

that one day i would say it was okay that i didn't get any sleep and the very next day i would think that person who wrote that was cracked. after a night of abby and renee seesawing between sleep and awake - sleep and awake - sleep and awake ...i change my tune.
you know when you are up at say 4 am and you think " four to five - five to six- six to seven - god, only 3 more hours to get any sleep before i'm up for the day"? that was me last night. bad though when you are still doing the counting game at 6 am - saying to yourself "one hour, i can get by if i get one hour".

actually, i've been really lucky. renee sleeps like a dream almost every night, abby sleeps 12 hours through almost every night so sleep deprivation is rare these days. i was telling my friend kathleen last week how crazy i was when i didn't sleep up until abby was 5 or 6 months old. crazy, crazy, crazy. i remember thinking many times - "okay, i can't jump off the mountain until abby is weaned - that would be so cruel for terry to have to wean her - a dead mother and weaning may scar her for life". i breastfed until abby was 21 months.
that is why i am pretty sure i don't want to get pregnant again. i almost believe i would be tempting fate. i know, pretty lame that i base having another child on whether or not i would get sleep. but really, i feel so good this time around i believe i am doing a good job with the two kids i have and keeping my relationship with terry in a good place - if i go back to that place it may all just explode.

god, i just remembered how in the middle of every night when abby was an infant someone would climb the stairs to our upstairs neighbour's apartment. i would spy though the front window and see a car pulled up onto the curb and someone running past the side entrance. what i deduced in my haze was that my neighbour was having 3 am rendevous every night. you would have been as shocked as i was if you saw him. very well groomed, extremely pleasant and friendly, a social worker and all- around nice guy. but every night i would hear the footsteps up the stairs for their meeting.
right. jen. super sleuth .
well, turns out that the only rendevous was with the globe and mail. yeah, the paper. delivered by car every morning at 3 am. it took me months to see the paper in the visitor's hand.
no sleep. not good. not good for me. not good for my neighbours.

what i didn't know

2005-06-23T09:10:00.000-04:00

the things i didn't know about having kids.
that i wouldn't sleep for a few years and be okay with that.
that i would have my own little 2 year old comedian working to make me laugh all her waking hours.
that i wouldn't be able to take my eyes off the face of my four month old in case i miss a smile.
that i would taste pablum and be instantly back in childhood.
that i would talk so much about poop.
that i would worry so much about childhood illnesses, strangers in the neighbourhood, and cars coming up on to the sidewalk and taking out the stroller.
that my kids would most often be much better dressed than i am.
that i wouldn't care that i wasn't much better dressed than i am.
that i would find myself feeling bittersweet about my two year's growing up.
that i would crawl on the floor acting like a horsey.
that i would try and jump like a frog, not quite cut the mustard and hear my two year old say "no, like dat mommy, like dat" and that i would try and try again to get it right.
that going out for the night without the kids would be such a big deal.
that finding someone you trust to watch your kids is even a bigger deal.
that there is no skin as soft as the back of your baby's neck.
that i would cheer for the first rollover, the first stand and the first step.
that i wouldn't find it boring to talk about MY kids for hours.
that everything can be interrupted, that there are no guarantees, that everyday is different, and that i would be changed forever.

2005-06-22T07:44:00.000-04:00

I am from ivory soap. white cake floating in bath water while I read Judy Blume wedged into the taps, turning pages with my big toe. l am from bonnie bell ten-o-six, cotton balls and the hope of fading the freckles from my 12 year old face.

I am from cambridge ave. a stone's throw from the steel mill but to me a place from which i cartwheel the block to kindergarden. families with lots of kids, my cousins up the street and a corner store where i ask the owner to "put it on my dad's tab".

I am from the new subdivision on upper ottawa street - small units side by side where you hear everyone's business. i watch out the window as rita the 14 year old from two units over cleans up the swear words written in chalk by her and her friends the night before. her father stands over her and the bucket of soapy water. my dad calls him an animal. From later that night when my dad and i watch nadia fly over and between wood for the gold medal in our new rec room with an eight track player and wood panelling - cool in hot july.

I am from 18 Ashford Blvd. with my first own room - where my sisters and i take turns sleeping on each other's floors for company. this magic old house where good and evil exist. A place of hardwood floors, a fruit cellar and attic hiding spots.

I am from mint growing along an old fence, picked and made into jelly by my grandma. I am from grandma cummings african violets grown way above the ground in her 12th floor apartment. I am from her story of how she once- so desparate for a cigarette, rolled dandelion leaves together and smoked it. and from the other story of how she quit by picturing the mary the mother of jesus with a smoke in her mouth.

I am from tension so thick you could cut it, but smiles on every face. I am from a family of fierce protecters and tender hearts. of being able to spot the walking wounded. of being able to fit in any group. of being able to tell a wicked funny story. of "makes no nevermind to me". of pride hidden beneath jokes and criticism. of secrets and denial. of laughter, laughter, laughter when life is tough. of a shoulder to cry on. of hugs for the everyday. of grandmas with great legs. of thin skin and freckles. of dancing and drinking in each other's basements. from life-long first loves and of home in each other's hearts.

From red head, red head 5 cents a cabbage head. From you look better in tailored clothes, you have the legs of a powerlifter, and you have no waist. From little old ladies on the bus "you'll love your red hair when you are older".

I am from roman catholic, it has been way too long since my last confession. From penetecostal prayer meetings with grandma on a saturday night. From accepting jesus as my personal savior at 11 years old. From all-girl catholic high school to adult agnostic.

I'm from hamilton, ontario. From belfast, blackburn-lancashire, and alsace-lorraine. From pea soup with ham,city chicken, teal sausage, and a mom who bakes. I am from 2 hour sunday dinners with candles lit by my dad and mel torme on the radio.

From the story of my dad at 5 frying up the family goldfish for my grandma's breakfast. From my mom's rollerskating as a kid down east 27th street. From my grandma's trip to israel at 75 yrs. old and her meeting with the angel rabbis when stuck at dorvel airport with only sheckels to get her home. From my mom and dad's first meeting when he pulled up beside her in his big old car after her shift at henderson hospital. From the story of my grandma walking up the james street hill to the hospital where she just knew that her mother was gone at age 49.

I am from my mom's teenage scrapbook filled with pictures and words of a former life kept in a cabinet drawer with no handle - opened only with effort. I am from old, old family photos of grandparents as teenagers with slouchy posture and good looks. I am from antique glass cabinets, hutches and tables - where we climbed, coloured and played. I am from the belief that older is better, that pictures are priceless and that remembering is how we honour.

***i loved doing this - i got the from my sister amy who got it from other bloggers. *** i can email the template to whoever requests. well worth the effort.
jen

daddy home

2005-06-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

Abby knows you by your footsteps coming through the door after a long day- at two this is the best part of her day.

Renee, only four months is catching on that this is good times - you coming through the door. that hugs and kisses and showing everything new that happened or was learned in the last 10 hours is cause for 20 minute party 5 days a week.

She watches Abby close her eyes and smile when she hugs you. pure kid joy in those squished eyes. she watches abby make you laugh with a new phrase picked up during the day like "you daddy stay yight there a ninute"!.

Renee kicks her legs and waves her arms when is it her turn to be swung up in your arms way above the ground. You notice her new motions and sounds - so much subtler and tender compared to abby's two year old leaps and bounds - but you see them big as life - amplified through 'daddy eyes'.

you and i smile at each other above little heads. every day you kiss me and touch my face. you know it's been a long day and i love you more than you can know for knowing that. i wait for that kiss to remind me i am still me.

pots boiling in a steamy kitchen and a parade of noise, bodies and love follow you while you get into 'comfy clothes'. grey track pants and sweatshirt. and a parade back to the couch where you sit with a big sigh and small arms around your neck.

daddy home.

he ain't heavy....

2005-06-17T08:19:00.000-04:00

yesterday afternoon i was overcome by the seventies tunes. we just signed on with expressview ( satellite) and now get all these commercial free radio stations - like all eighties, all nineties, country classics etc.. yesterday afternoon abby, renee and i were having our own little ANDP* ( except in the day) - rocking to tunes like more than a feeling - gypsies, tramps and thieves - of course, sweet home alabama...then came "he ain't heavy, he's my brother". and i was suddenly crying. not sobbing - not en0ugh to alarm abby or anything. but i was crying. this song gets me everytime. i want to pick up the phone and call my brother charlie to make sure he isn't having drug problems...have you seen that commercial where the one brother is in the hospital and the other brother comes to visit him and while walking down the hallway he has all these flashbacks to when they were kids- chasing puppies, jumping off the dock, wrestling etc. - it kills me. but back to charlie - if you know charlie you know the only drug problem he might have would be taking too much ventolin after being around dogs. but still. i wanted to call and make sure he is okay.
so i didn't pick up the phone cause that is just me. but i did think of my favourite memory of charlie.
when i was 18 and not doing well myself, no drug problem but just not well. i walked into the livingroom on west 5th one february afternoon. charlie was laying on the floor smiling with his eyes closed, arms behind his head looking 5 years old. the blind was pulled up and the sun was pouring in on him. he heard me, sat up and said "jen, you have to do this, it's awesome, it's like it's the middle of summer in here when you have your eyes closed." so i laid down and it was. like the middle of summer in february. and everything was better than ok.
charlie. he ain't heavy - he's my brother.

*all night dance party

baby weight, you got the cutest little baby weight...

2005-06-16T15:54:00.000-04:00

i have been trying to lose this "baby weight" - well, to be truthful - it's the same old baby weight that i have been trying to lose since i had abby over 2 years ago. true, i did have renee just 4 months ago but... it ain't going anywhere. and what about the "breastfeeding makes it just melt off". right. ain't no melting here. and the other one "with two kids you'll be running around so much it'll come off before you know it". right. not without some heavy-duty moving and shaking by me.

actually, the moving i have down. i probably log 20 miles a week walking with the double stroller - you would think that would be enough. i think it's my incessant snacking that is doing me in. i heard about this website called www.fitday.com - you can keep track of what you eat and it breaks it all down nutritionally for you and other things. so i have been keeping track. honestly keeping track not ignoring the pieces of licorice and handfuls of tortilla chips - and sweet jesus! **** calories yesterday. yeah, a lot. i should have gained weight not held steady in the past few months.

normally i'm not of a fan of tracking what i eat. i did that on the margins of books and in my head for 15 eating disordered years. but things have been different now for years - i can look at this numbers and they don't make me feel bad - just make me want to be a healthier. really. not b.s.ing here. thinking long-term want to be able to run with my kids and not get cancer or heart disease. ok, and a little bit wanting to fit in pre-pregnancy clothes of which i have boxes full. and no, i won't get rid of them for clothes that fit now. i mean, they are all black and can allow me to fit into any decade. timeless. not like "classics and worth the money" but timeless enough for my life.
ok, speaking of food - dinner is soon - that is if i get off the computer and cook it.
jen

one month

2005-03-02T13:48:00.000-05:00

i look over to the baby swing and can't believe that renee has only been in our lives for one month. she is already getting that great chubby baby body - chubby little legs and cheeks - her little belly straining the snaps on her sleeper. it's amazing how she just fits in - how much i worried about whether abby would feel left out or that i couldn't handle having a newborn and a two year old... it all worked out - it's all fine - it's all okay.
better than that. it's good. i watch abby whisper to her baby sister "i got you baby, i got you" when she holds renee on the bed in her little arms, terry and i exchange looks that say "can you believe it?"- it's a good time. our place is a mess - i mean real mess - i wear track pants and a ponytail everyday- terry and i are dog-tired - but it's all good, you know?
my aunt eileen said this weekend that she remembers sitting in a rocking chair and holding her youngest daughter, katherine, and thinking that she "should" get some stuff done - but that at that moment she decided instead to sit in the rocking chair with her last baby of four and just be in the moment. i love that - and am going to try and remember it when i am feeling like 'stuff' should be done.

2004-12-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

yikes! when i said 'let it snow, let it snow, let it snow' it was with 'i'm dreamin' of a white christmas' intent.

at 6 am this morning i got up to get abby a drink and saw terry digging himself and our car out of the giant mound of snow in our alley parking spot. 45 min. later i could see the red lights of our car reflected off the snow about 15 feet further down the alley....i am assuming terry made it to work because he didn't come back into the house...going to call in a half hour to see that he is there alive and well...sounds like the highways are really bad. remember what i wrote about me not having a license? well, i figure today alone i have saved 10 lives by being carless.

bad day for a storm - like many i have last minute shopping. abby's bus ride will certainly be an adventure this morning. she has never seen so much snow - well, not that she can remember anyway. she has been standing post at the window watching the snow, the shovelers and plows...very exciting morning for her - she shouts out a report every few minutes to me "mama, stuck", "mama biiiig gogo", "mama - snowing!!!!!!". what a cute kid eh? needs a squeeze just for being her.

ok, going to go and try and dig out some boots from the many cardboard boxes still not opened. happy eve before christmas eve everyone! oh, we watched 'scrooge' last night. i could watch that last 20 min. when he wakes up on christmas morning a thousand times. he is sososososo happy - it's mezmerizing and really makes me feel like christmas is something. you know?

p.s. amy - my god your blog about taking the christmas pics is priceless - i have read and looked at it about 10 times this morning. love the pics even if they aren't sears perfect. especially the one where sam and monty are laughing. they also need a squeeze for being so cute.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

2004-12-22T08:21:00.000-05:00

looks like it's going to be a white christmas - snow forecast for the next few days. i hate those muggy green christmases - remember in the nineties when there were 3 or 4 of them in a row? christmas lights reflected off dirty brown grass don't have the same zing eh?

abby and i are getting ready to hop on the bus up to limeridge madness. actually, she is excited, very excited. one thing she loves more than her 'mismis yights ' ( christmas lights) is the bus. as soon as we get downtown and she spots a bus she starts yelling "mama, runnnnn, bus"!!!! not an easy task for mama who is 36 weeks preggo. she doesn't quite get the whole concept of catching the right bus mind you. she becomes very upset when say the 'york' bus passes right by us - like we missed the one and only bus that she will be allowed on.
once on the bus she is a riot. you know those drivers who are pissy and stop and start really abruptly - you KNOW it's on purpose because they hate driving a bus - you KNOW that they can start and stop with gentleness but no - every stop is a lurch. when we lurch abby yells really loud " WHOA!!!!". the other good folks on the bus love this, the driver not so much.

i have to say though, i am so grateful for the bus. i myself enjoy a good bus ride. i think i would really, really get my license if i hated it. i would not have to renew my beginners or g1 for you youngsters after letting the 5 year expiry date pass. part of it is that i really don't know how good a driver i would be. i am often distracted - for an example last summer i was altering a pair of yoga pants into maternity wear ( read - cutting the waistband off and attaching safety pins). so i was in the middle of altering these pants in our bedroom while talking with terry and watching abby play on the bed - i was standing and cutting along when i cut off the end of my own knuckle. yes, i know you shouldn't cut with sharp sisscors while standing and talking in a darkened room, i know that i should have been watching what i was doing...i know this but did it anyway. me behind the wheel. maybe not so good for me. maybe not so good for others.

right. so we are on the way to limeridge. time to sign off and get out the door. want to make it there before the throngs. not that i don't like the throngs. i actually do. i like the hustle and bustle. but the long lines get to be a little too much for the monkey. she doesn't enjoy looking at the legs of 10 impatient grown ups for more than a few minutes. so off we are.

From under cardboard...

2004-12-06T08:03:00.000-05:00

well, at least half of the cardboard boxes are unpacked so it's starting to feel like a little more normal around here. abby is so cute - whenever i find one of her toys in a box and show it to her she says " wow!!!!" like she has found something lost forever. after the year of moving that she has had this year she probably thinks that this is the way life is...pack up and set up a new place every three months. terry and i were talking about moving last night - we see things around this apartment that are let's say -less than perfect - for instance, terry built a wall ( an actual wall )around the top of the attic (livingroom ) stairs because they were not great for a running toddler - thank god and his farmer genes that he is a handyman - but back to moving. we have said that we are really, really going to try and not move again until we move into the house we are planning on building in the next year or two.
this will be hard for me- i think i have some sort of moving disorder - i see an old house renting an apartment and think - oh, i bet that place has hardwood floors!-...yeah, i think terry's back will fuse into solid hardwood if he has to move again anytime soon. we are tired as mules but still glad we decided to move before the baby comes next month and before christmas. now we can nest, get rest and be merry...
one thing this whole move has done has taken away the usually long, endless last two months of pregnancy - now, i actually am wishing that i deliver right around my due date. when i was pregnant with abby and truly had the life of leisure after going on maternity leave weeks before she was born, the days were endless...i remember every pregnancy twinge and pull and thinking "what is happening- preterm labour? hypertension? gestestional diabetes?...." now, at night just before i fall asleep i feel the baby kicking and stretching and think " oh, yeah, you're in there, aren't you?" - and i promise them that in a few weeks i will sit down, put my feet up, rub my belly and think good thoughts.

what's in a name

2004-11-16T16:37:00.000-05:00

as my due date gets closer ( 8.6 weeks!), terry and i have been talking more and more about baby names. we have had a boys name since before abby was born - theodore miles or theodore vincent - to be called theo of course. we really like this name but have a harder time coming up with girls names that we like. so far here is what we have - margaret (maggie for short and everyday life), iris, emilie, hayley ( what we were thinking of naming abby)...oh, and we have batted around nola.
now that i write them out i'm not that fond of any of them. if we had to pick today ( and terry agrees ) we would probably pick emilie.
it's weird because when i think of abby being a hayley it freaks me out. she is such an abby. maybe you become your name - maybe we should just pick what we like and it'll work out. except when i remember that until i was 14 my fav name of all time was leeann. i so wanted to be a leeann. i pledged to name my first daughter leeann. ah, it was the seventies and leeann was cool i guess. that, and jessie, cathy, pauline, tammy, chantal....good ol' seventies.

at my mom's on sunday we were all talking about what names we like - it was funny because everyone had a thought about what or how babies should be named.
sadie said that she really liked 'grace' - her middle name and maddy's middle name oh, and brenda's middle name. my mom liked emilie, it was her grandmother's name. she also mentioned all the french names on her side - her mom's sisters names - philomene, auralie, muriel, and i forget the other one. nancy said that she always thinks about the child having to learn how to write their own name when they start school. she also said that she didn't name her girls tracy and tanya until after they were born....that is a totally new concept to me - i have heard of people waiting until the baby is born to see what name they suit but i don't think i could wait that long...i need to know so that when they are born we can say their name out loud. i remember when abby was born and we didn't get to hold her before they took her away - saying her name out loud made it all real...she was ours...

speaking of abby, i should wake her from this nap...otherwise she'll be wanting to watch the wiggles at 11 pm tonight.
hey, if anyone wants to comment on our names or has a name that they like - send it.
over and out, jen

remembrance day

2004-11-11T08:01:00.000-05:00

grade school remembrance days - flander's fields recited sitting cross-legged on a cold gym floor - a time when all our grandfathers had "fought in the war" - silent grainy 16 mm film of DDay, confusing images of men running on a beach - hand drawn construction paper poppies decorating the walls...sense of sadness and loss among the teachers and veteran guests that i tried to feel but didn't really understand, the memorials shrouded in the unspoken.

years later i think about all the men you used to see with war injuries- old men with eye patches, crutches, missing legs, fingers and arms, red scarred faces..the old man with no arms or legs who sold sharpened pencils in front of Woolworth's with a sign that read "please support your veterans" - my own grandfather hands scarred and missing fingers...every year i've seen less and less of these men, usually only on rememberance day, their numbers and bodies shrinking every year. that is until the last few weeks when the t.v. networks have started to show the returning troops from Iraq - last night a 22 year old "man" learning to walk on his new "legs", and those familiar images of wrapped limbs and heads, crutches, walkers - but not old men now - young, young, young men....

i've always been strongly anti-war - but guess i'm just starting to really realize why. that the 22 year old kid learning to walk is just as much a victim as the 10 year boy killed because he lived in a "strategic target". although it is easier for me to not watch the news, to not know what is really happening, to ignore what is happening on the other side of the world while i live in constant peace and comfort - i am starting to believe that my talking about what i believe or at the very least becoming aware is my responsibility as a person and parent. parent, because i don't want my children to be returning from combat, i don't want anyone's children hurt, psychologically damaged or killed by war.

so on remembrance day i will watch the services from Ottawa - respect those who have lost so much and can't forget. and i will continue to read, sign petitions, vote, and talk about what i believe. i saw a button on a man's coat yesterday that said " to remember is to believe in peace".
jen

links i like about war and peace.
http://www.ploughshares.ca/
http://www.michaelmoore.com/
http://www.antiwar.com/
http://www.mojones.com/
http://www.ceasefire.ca/

harvest found

2004-11-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

after two weeks of trying to get my old blog back ( i forgot the password so i couldn't post)- i decided this morning to start a new one. so here it is and here i am.

hmmm, what to write, what to write. now that i actually got this far i can't think of anything to say.... v e r y u n u s u a l.
well, 65 days until the baby is due. god that seems like a million years away. i know, i know, it'll go really fast. only 65 more days until these restless legs let me sleep for longer than 1 hour at a time. i'm looking forward to the 3 hours sleep between newborn feedings - that will seem like a full night's sleep. i have been boosting my iron intake like a mad woman because i've heard that restless legs are related to low iron. i have eaten enough cow to grow hooves. and i am taking those bullets they call prenatal vitamins. we can put a million gigabytes of information on a microchip but we can't put 60 milligrams of iron in a smaller pill....
ok, enough about sleep. i am functioning fine today - slept better yesterday - really think that all the iron i have taken is starting to work. also not feeling like sitting down to wash the dishes like i was a few days ago.
65 more days. actually, i have been feeling pretty good throughout this pregnancy. no issues, concerns or anything to really worry about. ok, i really didn't intend to write about my pregnancy as my return to blogging. oh well, hard to not think about with this growing belly and baby that is really starting to move around. i forgot how amazing that part is. that i can feel the baby turning, stretching, having the hiccups.... makes me feel like they are saying "hey mama, i'm on my way, see you soon".
terry and i are trying to get abby used to the idea of a new baby. she has her own baby - a really cute doll - she is great with the doll baby - that is, until she is bored with "baby" and flings her across the room or writes on her head with crayon. very cute that she is pointing to my belly and saying "baby". she also points to terry's stomach and her own and says baby too. hey, it's a complex thing - she is getting it in her own way.
speaking of my cute little monkey abby - she has her shoes in hand and is saying "out" and "wee" - which means - let's get a move on mama. time for the daily park trip - i am making myself go out for a walk to the park with abby everyday - for the sake of both of us. terry is so great about taking abby to the park - he will stay at the park for hours with her - running, climbing, visiting the petting zoo....not so with mama. i have the stamina these days for about 1 hour. but hey, i'm carrying another person around - it ain't so easy right now to go down the slide when abby asks me too - or to chase her when she wants to go "bath, bath" in the lake with the ducks.
ok, another prompt from the monkey. time to go.
jen